My Strange Fear

The sound of “xylophone” floods my ears as the pace of my heartbeat increases. My mouth turns dry as my palms begin to sweat. My vision focuses on the flashing number on the screen of my device. *please hang up, please hang up, please hang up.*Yes, you guessed it. My phone is ringing.

And quite frankly, I am losing my shit.

Talking on the phone is a pretty common part of life, really. But for me, unless it’s to my parents, the thought of it sends shivers down my spine.

Ever since I can remember, I have hated talking on the phone. It was always something I thought I would grow out of, but now sitting here at the age of 18, legally an adult, I can say that the hate has not gone away, if anything – its gotten worse.

Not that great considering my phone seems to be ringing more than it ever has before.

Every time the call fades, breathing a sigh of relief, I promise myself that “I’ll answer it next time”, but lord knows that never happens.

Answering/talking on the phone is something I despise with a passion, and I’ve used every excuse under the sun to avoid it:

“Sorry, I was really busy” (yeaaaah right, watching The Bachelor, no doubt.)

“Oh, I don’t think the call went through, I didn’t get it at all” (weak excuse, is that the best I could come up with?)

“I left my phone at home” (Seriously, Karen? Your phone never leaves your hand.)

I guess the ‘fear’ stems from the fact that when I speak to people, I’m a very visual communicator. I rely on body language to convey my point in conjunction with the words I’m saying. Also, if I’m going to verbally communicate with someone, I prefer face-to-face as I like to see their body language and how they’re responding to the conversation. (One of the reasons why I could never work in a office/reception environment).

If I’m the one that has to make the phone call, and I haven’t found an alternate way to contact them (e.g. email, text, or meet them in person), I resort to essentially writing a script of what I have to say. It’s not exactly a word-for-word dialogue, but I write out dot points of what I have to say to them, and practice them about 10 ten times prior to actually making the call. Strange, I know. Or maybe it’s not so strange and there’s more people out there like me than I originally thought? Who knows.

This probably sounds really silly to a  lot of people, and I honestly don’t know why I’m sharing this with the internet. But maybe, just maybe, there’s someone else out there who feels the same way, and as a result of reading this, doesn’t feel so weird.

I hope this post hasn’t made me out to be a complete whackjob, surely I can’t be the only one who feels this way. Can I?

And to anyone in my personal life: if you’ve ever called me and I haven’t answered – now you know why.

– Karen xx

6 thoughts on “My Strange Fear

  1. I feel you! I will talk on the phone and ring people but it really depends how I’m feeling, if I have to make, what I call an “adult” phone call (e.g the bank, doctors, anyone I don’t know), I will postpone it at all costs until I absolutely have to. And even then I really really struggle to do it in front of people, I have to go to a separate room where know one can hear me…so I get you!!

    Like

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